Phone Roast
"412 contacts, 9,000 screenshots and 6% battery. Get help."
Download shortcut⏱ No setup
Open in Safari on your iPhone. Download the file, open it from Safari Downloads or Files, then follow the prompts to add it in Shortcuts.
What happens
They run it and a voice reads out a roast built from their own phone: how many contacts they have, how many readable photos and recent screenshots they’ve hoarded, and their battery level. It’s read-only and made for filming.
Setup
- Open the link in Safari on the iPhone, download the file, open it from Safari Downloads or Files, and tap Add Shortcut.
- Run Phone Roast while unlocked and allow Contacts and Photos access. With limited access, the counts cover only the items Shortcuts can read.
- It checks up to 20,000 recent screenshots. A large photo library can take time to count. Nothing is sent off the phone.
Undo
Nothing to undo. Delete the shortcut if they want it gone. Restore media volume and audio output in Control Center.