Decay Report
"You are 946,080,000 seconds old. Decomposition is on schedule."
Download shortcut⏱ No setup
Open in Safari on your iPhone. Download the file, open it from Safari Downloads or Files, then follow the prompts to add it in Shortcuts.
What happens
They enter their birthday and get a report: how many seconds old they are, roughly how many times their heart has beaten and how often they’ve blinked. Then: Decomposition is on schedule.
Setup
- Open the link in Safari on the iPhone, download the file, open it from Safari Downloads or Files, and tap Add Shortcut.
- Run Decay Report, enter a real birth date no later than today, and check the report.
- For Siri, say the installed shortcut name: Decay Report.
Undo
Nothing persistent. Delete the shortcut.